My Human Foot

I want to try to express in words the evolution of feelings I've experienced about my foot.

For a few days after my surgery, in my mind and in my dreams, my foot was normal (well, as normal as my pre-surgery foot was!) I remember wondering when I would start dreaming "on crutches". It didn't take long. Soon (within days), in my dreams and imaginations, I was on crutches and soon after that (within about 3-4 weeks), I was unable to even imagine myself walking on my foot. In fact, if I closed my eyes and tried to imagine standing on the side of the pool (or on the starting blocks) and diving in, I couldn't. I couldn't even imagine starting to swim from within the pool.

I've been doing physio for almost 3 weeks now and soon I can start putting weight on my foot (2 days ... but who's counting?!) The process of physio and my three-times daily exercises has been gradually turning my foot back into a human foot! I can feel it. For about a week now I can imagine stepping on it! Sometimes when I have my sock off, I put my foot on the floor to feel the floor (well most of it ... heel is still numb). I also like to put my bare foot on the cold wall in my bedroom or the cold tile in the bathroom. Or when I'm lying on the couch I bend both knees and put both feet on the couch underneath my knees. Sometimes when I'm sitting down about to stand up, I almost accidentally put my right foot down! It's like my brain is getting ready to accept my foot as working again. This isn't something I've done consciously or even worked at doing. I've just noticed it taking place almost as if it's happening behind my back!!

Next step, standing (on both feet), walking, and swimming (not necessarily in that order) ... how I long to be in the pool!